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Planning Ahead
by John Kiley
Bert and Gert discuss what to
do when the world ends.
Scene: Park Bench
Characters:
Bert
Gert
Bert
Looks like rain.
Gert
What does?
Bert
The weather.
Gert
(Grunts)
Bert
Looked like rain yesterday too but it didn’t.
Gert
(Puzzled)
What do you mean, it looked like rain but it didn’t? Did it look like rain or
didn’t it?
Bert
It did look like rain but it didn’t rain.
Gert
(Grunts)
Bert
(Yawns)
Gert
That fountain over there.
Bert
What about it?
Gert
That looks like rain too.
Bert
Yes but it’s not.
Gert
No – it just looks like it.
Bert
Remember how Noah built an ark and it rained for so long that the whole world
was flooded.
Gert
Yes. (Ponders this) Do you think that
could happen again?
Bert
It might.
Gert
Perhaps that’s how the world will end.
Bert
Maybe.
Gert
What are all the people going to do after the world ends?
Bert
There’s new stuff forming in space all the time. Another world will come along.
Gert
So we’ll all have to wait for another world?
Bert
(Thinking hard)
I suppose so.
Gert
But what will we stand on while we wait?
Bert
Don’t know.
Gert
It would be nice if the world didn’t end.
Bert
Very nice.
(Long thoughtful silence)
Gert
I know where we could wait. In heaven.
Bert
Maybe we could.
Gert
Do you think they would let us in?
Bert
We could try.
Gert
Otherwise it would have to be hell and that wouldn’t be so nice.
Bert
No, but it might not be for too long. We’ll have to wait somewhere.
Gert
How will we know when a new world has come?
Bert
If we look out the window every night we can watch for a new speck in the sky.
Gert
Speck?
Bert
Yes, the world is only a speck when you look from heaven.
Gert
How do you know? You’ve never been to heaven.
Bert
You don’t have to go. When you look up from the world you just see specks.
They’re all worlds.
Gert
So there’s other worlds already floating around that we all think are stars?
Bert
Yes.
Gert
And if one passes real close we can all hop on.
Bert
I guess so.
Gert
We’ll have to signal for it to stop.
Bert
Definitely.
Gert
But what if it’s already over-crowded?
Bert
I suppose some of us would have to wait for the next one – like waiting for the
next bus.
Gert
What if you get on one world and I have to wait for another? We’d be separated.
Bert
I think we should promise each other we’ll stick together.
Gert
Yes – we should promise.
Bert
That’s settled then.
Gert
I’ve always wondered how the world got started in the first place. Some people
say there was a big bang.
Bert
And all the worlds blew out into space.
Gert
Yes, something like that. It must have been a long time ago. I don’t remember
it.
Bert
Of course you don’t remember it. It happened millions of years ago.
Gert
How do you know?
Bert
I read it in the newspaper.
Gert
How did the newspaper know?
Bert
It were a very old newspaper.
Gert
I read something interesting in the newspaper the other day – people are booking
seats on spaceships to go to Mars.
Bert
I read that too. Perhaps we should book and make that our next world.
Gert
Good idea! That could save us a long wait when this one ends.
Bert
And we’ll get there before it gets too crowded.
Gert
But what about air?
Bert
What do you mean?
Gert
There’s no air there.
Bert
There must be air. Why would they offer trips? We go on lots of trips. When we
get there, there’s always air.
Gert
There’s no air on Mars. I read that in the newspaper.
Bert
Perhaps we should choose another world – one with air.
Gert
Yes, I think we should.
Bert
Or we could still go to Mars but take our own air.
Gert
How much will we need?
Bert
Lots. We can work it out. How many breaths do you take each day?
Gert
I’ve never counted.
Bert
I haven’t either. We’ll just have to guess.
Gert
What will we carry it in?
Bert
We can take several extra suitcases with nothing in them.
Gert
Except air.
Bert
But we mustn’t open them till we get there.
Gert
We mustn’t.
(They both sigh contentedly)
Bert
It’s good to plan ahead like this. So many people just waste their lives and
don’t care about the future. But we’ve always been well organised. Remember how
we bought that rabbit hutch?
Gert
And the bird cage. And the dog kennel.
Bert
And the aquarium.
Gert
Now we can buy a rabbit or a dog or a bird anytime we like.
Bert
Or a fish.
Gert
Or a fish. And one day we just might.
(Both sit back looking satisfied. They get up and slowly walk away)
Bert
Still looks like rain.
Gert